During the initial consultation, I ask my clients what their goals are or their best hopes for the future. For many this is a difficult question to answer, and often their reply is “I don’t know” or “How can I think of the future and solutions when all I can do is dwell on my problems”
I understand, when our problems seem over whelming it is hard to feel positive and almost impossible to look to the future because we can continually think, speak and feel our problems from every angle.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself, to allow you to start moving forward rather than being in fear of the future.
How do you know there is hope?
For my clients, some say “ You are my last hope”. So yes they do know there is hope and that talking will help them find their way.
If you are reading this, have researched different therapies, read books, then this is your hope and this is a great starting point. When you realise there is hope, it can help free your mind a little to allow yourself to visualise what you would like your future to be, so allowing you to work towards it.
When the problem is something out of your control, maybe a bereavement or illness, a question you can ask is
How are you coping now?
When you are able to get up in the morning, go to work, cook and run errands these are important things to recognise. This will show your strengths and resources. If the reply you gave is “I just do” then look a little deeper, it takes great strength to carry on and do the normal day to day things and again we don’t give ourselves the credit for doing this. What is it about you, is it strength, determination, loyalty, love, the list can go on and on.
Following on form this how did you cope with past difficulties, times when you didn’t know the answer and found life hard, again what were your coping strategies?
Now you are able to recognise some of your strengths and resources and use them to help you now and help you move forward.
How will you know if you are coping a little better, what will be different?
What will you be doing differently, or what will others notice about you? When you think of these small differences then you are able to look out for them and notice your progress.
Imagine what your best hopes could be, what will you be doing?
To think about this, you need to be in the conscious part of your brain as you need to be thinking forward and in a positive way, once you start it is a nice way of looking at the world.
To help you get into this part of the brain, think of 3 things every day that have been good, or that you are grateful for. When we can view our lives from a positive viewpoint this widens our perspective. If you are having a tough time these things can be small, e.g I had hot shower this morning, I had food in the fridge, a friend called etc
What will others notice when you ae moving towards your best hopes?
What will you be doing differently, what will be different about your body language, what will they think about the changes?
Lastly a very small question, but a very powerful one.
What one small thing can you do tomorrow that will help you move towards that wonderful goal of your best hopes?
When we look at life in bite sized chunks, we perform and manage far better than when we look at where we want to be and become over whelmed by the distance and decisions.
An example is going on holiday. To make this easier, we can narrow our choice to a country or area we want to go. Then we choose whether we will book it our selves or use someone that we know or has been recommended to us. We choose the location, a hotel/self catering, how we will travel there, what we can do when we are there, buy currency etc. If we googled “Holidays” we would be completely overwhelmed with choice and unable to start choosing what we like.
Thinking of one small thing that you can do that is positive and is helping you move forward, assists our brains into accepting this and we are able carry this out.
An example of this is, “My best hope is to feel more confident.”
One small thing could be, I will get food and clothes for the following day ready the evening before.
This will mean I wake up feeling more in control and can navigate the school run and journey to work with a lot less stress.
There will be thousands of small steps that you could take, and it’s up to YOU to decide what you want and what will be most useful to you.
Please contact me via Facebook or my website if you have any questions.